When I last posted I was struggling with my depression. My friends over in Manchester suggested I come back have me some fun clear my head. I was reluctant, I was starting to feel the effects of travelling to another location every week. Being constantly on the move is quite exhausting for a normal person in perfect health, and here I am with IBD being a stubborn bastard after travelling nearly 7000km still running about non stop. I was hurting and feeling it and wanted to stay still and laid low in Wiltshire. Failing body and literally nearly out of funds I decided to head back to Manchester and accepted my friends offer to look after me when I got to Manchester. It was not something I'm used to accepting,other persons helping me out besides my family; and even them I turn down. If I cannot look after myself I won't let anyone else do so else I feel like a burden. A man should be able to look after himself and those he cares about right? However he also needs to accept assistance when he can't and learn how to simply say thank you to the kindness of others. Doesn't make you any less a man to accept help when you are stuck, it sounds simple but I found it rather difficult and had to swallow my pride and accept it. I managed to get through the weekend with my fellow smelly bums, started cramping up at 2 am and had to call it a night. Should have been in bed long befor that getting the rest I needed, but didn't come all this way just to keep staying confined to four walls. I needed to get out there and get a breath of fresh air, not let this disease dictate what I do. I still ended up going to bed cramping up really badly and had my first accident trying to find my room. At 3am here I am in a disability toilet hand washing my undies like a boss lol. Had my first train poo on the mov...sorry Virgin but you guys need somebetter toilet paper. Not sure what you call those thingies you guys got but i had to layer up alot to avoid it going through to my hand grrr.
Moving forward to London, I arrived in a bit of discomfort, ok fine a lot of discomfort. I went to visit a friend I have never met befor but he has ulcerative colitis so it doesn't matter his family. From his place I went to visit some London bellies while flaring, it was supposed to be the London meet but had to call it quits after an hour and had to return to my friends house where I could curl up in pain and poop and vomit in peace. It's weird being in some one elses house where they understand exactly what it is you are going through as they go through it them self. I stayed at his place and recovered, tried my best to keep my sobs quiet as i bit into the sheets to avoid crying out loudly from the pain. I hadn't felt it that bad in a while. Yet I didn't try to hide the fact that I couldn't stand up or seat upright due to the excruciating pain that I was in, I was simply hunched over all the time grasping my gut. They understood that I wasn't feeling well and let me deal with it in my own way while I tried to suck it up and be brave. I also learned that midol actually gives me some relief lol. Maybe its because I was wearing my IBD Superhero T-shirt I felt extra brave, or because I wanted to give my friend hope so that he knows its ok to give into the pain from time to time but still go about our lives as difficult as that may be. It was fun sharing our stories and the embarassing moments we each have had with accidents and pulling over at odd places to duck behind bushes. So much in common from symptoms to experiences, it's like we are all connected for we all go through the same shitty stuff. When I felt like I could risk the underground I left his place a few days later and went back over to my family where I simply remained on the toilet.To weak to leave the toilet so I started taking naps while on the toilet. Why leave I'm only going to be back in 5 mins anyways, whether its to have a dump, or throw up, or my favorite throwing up while taking a shit, I'm just that committed I gotta have it both ways simultaneously.
I left my family for last to visit my family for last as I knew they just would get to me and boy did they. When I was at a friends house I stank it up really bad and no air freshner I appologized for stinking up his place, and this guy doesn't have IBD so I felt awful thinking his wife will want me banned, but instead he tells me poo supposed to stink, if it didn't he would be concerned! That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me! Yes yes that's weird but to me that means a lot! I have no such luck with this side of my family however as I get told stop stinking up the house. Why am I still sick, got shit for staying in bed all day long being called lazy. To add icing on the cake, being yelled at for not wanting to go about visiting all the family when I have been going across the UK meeting strangers and I don't want to see my own family. Maybe if I took better care of myself I wouldn't still be sick,I should go to the gym and eat healthy. After so many years why am I still sick.
That's some of the crap I had to put up with. It's like I'm back home and have to deal with stupid everywhere I go...oh wait I'm going back home next week. Fuck!!! Have to go through this regularly. Back to my shell I go. Anywhooz I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Having to deal with a chronic illness is hard enough as it is, dealing with stupidity from persons you expect to know better is just going over the edge. Oh well. I've lost count of the toilets I've been to, haven't sat down and counted the selfies as I still have been doing so as I've kept doing so lol. Just need to recover let my body get its strength back
