"Depression is doing everything you can to hide it. Because there’s nothing glorified about it. There’s nothing beautiful about a bad night as you fall you your knees, in a silent scream, that no one hears because you’re alone and you need to be until you get through it."
This shook me up a bit as I found myself crying for no reason not knowing what was wrong. I got off social media for a bit to get some me time to try to figure out what's going on and get my bearings together. It strikes at the oddest of times. I should be the happiest person travelling all across the UK meeting others with IBD and just having a blast, yet it's when it strikes the hardest and I get knocked down and don't know how to get back up. A friend offered me some advise which did the trick. She said just remember there's someone else out there much worse off than you are. I thought about the others who are way worse off than I am and that snapped me out temporarily and got me back up, but it was a short lived victory. While going to grab something in the store i kept having to pull my pants up while wearing a belt. That's when i realised that I've actually lost weight. Looked in the mirror and saw my ribs staring back like they were just waiting to go on the grill. I tried to remember what had I eaten for lunch and relaised i hadn't been eating, I'd just nibble on the food and not actually eat anything. Went for a jog fought against the aching pain in my knees but exercise always does the trick. Decided to reach out for a change and stop bottling it up,after all I am no longer alone in my struggle. Felt great receiving the warm love and encouragement from my fellow smelly bums and got me back up to my old self. Nothing some good old fashion shinanigans won't sort. My appetite is back, I ate an entire chicken!
There are many others out there going through depression and not related to IBD but just every day struggles. This brings me back to something I try to practice, be kind to everyone for you simply never know what they are struggling with, whose on their last straw and just about to tie a knot round their neck and call it quits. Quit throwing harmful words about to each for you just never know what pain and suffering they are hiding behind that beautiful smile of theirs.
That being said I'm on toilet number 15 and only been on UK for nearly a month. I'm definitely doing well hehe.
Someone asked me the other day why on earth am I spending so much money to come over here and travelling all over, It's hard to explain, I couldn't give an answer at the time. How do i explain the connection that I feel with fellow IBD sufferers. They're the only ones who knows exactly what I go through and can relate to them in ways I simply cannot to anyone else. Its worth running my account into overdraft as I will not get this opportunity of a lifetime to meet and impact positively the lives of so many people. If I were to drop dead tomorrow I'd be glad to know that I have positively impacted a few persons lives and that is one of the greatest feeling there is; to put a smile on someone elses face and up lift their spirit whether its with laughter or just gracing them with your presence.
It's simply a priceless experience meeting people of all walks of life and connecting with complete strangers. I'd say try it but there are a lot of psychos out there haha
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